On My Book Shelf

Here are some genuinely thoughtful books that are on my book shelf this month:

Best for Problematic Porn Use: Understanding Shame and Moral Incongruence

Ethical Porn for Dicks — by David Ley PhD

Despite the provocative title, this book is really about building a healthier and more conscious relationship with sexuality and porn. Dr. Ley is one of the major voices critiquing moral panic around “porn addiction.”

Good if you want:

• Less fear-based messaging

• Conversations about ethics and consent

• A sex-positive lens

• A challenge to rigid cultural narratives

Best for Emotional Healing and Vulnerability

The Gifts of Imperfection — by Brene Brown

A surprisingly relevant companion book for anyone stuck in shame cycles. Problematic porn use is often less about sexuality itself and more about disconnection, emotional avoidance, loneliness, or self-judgment.

Good if you want:

• Shame resilience

• Authenticity

• Self-compassion

• Emotional regulation

Best for Attachment, Trauma, and Emotional Needs

Attached — by Levine & Heller

A lot of out-of-control sexual behavior intersects with attachment wounds, loneliness, fear of intimacy, or emotional regulation difficulties. This helps explain relational dynamics without pathologizing sexuality itself. (LINK)

For Neurodiversity and Sex

ADHD and Sex: A Workbook for Exploring Sexuality and Increasing Intimacy — by Lyne Piche

This workbook allows couples and individuals to explore the intersection of ADHD and sexuality and its many manifestations in a couple's sex life and relationship.

Contains useful and practical interventions provided to help identify and address common sexual problems Through exercises and discussions, individuals and couples alike can feel empowered to develop a sexual plan and outline ways to improve communication, break down barriers and discover the advantages of ADHD.

This book is essential for adults with ADHD looking to embrace their sexuality, partners of neurodivergent adults.

For partners trying to understand kink and alternative sexuality

When Someone You Love Is Kinky — by Easton and Liszt

A warm, accessible, and nonjudgmental introduction to kink, BDSM, and alternative sexuality for partners, loved ones, and the kink-curious. The book focuses heavily on communication, consent, emotional safety, and reducing shame or fear-based misunderstandings.

Good if you want:

• A sex-positive introduction to kink

• Better understanding of BDSM dynamics

• Guidance for partners or loved ones

• Conversations rooted in consent and authenticity

• Less pathologizing and more curiosity

One Important Caveat

Some books related to sexuality can reinforce feelings of shame, hopelessness, and over control.

It’s okay to be selective. A good resource should help you feel:

• more honest,

• more grounded,

• more connected to yourself,

• and more capable of choice —

not terrified of your own sexuality. Healing does not require perfection or fear-based self-control. More often, it involves developing greater self-awareness, compassion, communication, and alignment with one’s values and needs. With support, reflection, and accurate information, people can build healthier and more grounded relationships with their sexuality without reducing themselves to a diagnosis or moral failing.

Happy reading friends.

Cheers— Lauren O’Brien LCSW